Disappointment

 

Disappointment

The Mother of all Frustration

"Don't ever shoot down anyone's dreams or goals.  Just because it potentially may be a long while to achieve those dreams and goals doesn't mean they're forever unattainable.  It's just a matter of YET."   Martin Phillips 

I wrote that on Twitter and Facebook this last Friday, October 23rd. Something I'd really wanted to happen was crushed and my heart sunk seemingly to the bottom of the sea with the heaviest of chains around it. My sometimes mature brain knew it was only a matter of Yet, I will have the weekend I have been wanting, just not Yet. The mystery part of my brain felt like the Titanic sinking. 

This kinda became the theme of this weekend. 

That sinking of my heart like the Titanic brought back memories.........

 

Back in 1990, maybe a year or two before or after, my wife and our neighbors went to a gorgeous plantation style bed and breakfast inn located in wine country, Sonoma, Marin County. It was such as special place and visit.  I had decided then and there that owning a bed and breakfast inn was my calling.  I had talked to my wife and neighbors and was crushed when they thought the idea was stupid.  I think they tried to get to me see the "power of Yet" then, to their credit, but all I could see was foul disappointment.  I think I was a bummer the rest of the trip.  It was a goal, it was something I'd still love to do, but the lesson they tried to teach me - rightfully so - is that you have to have money.  Back then, we had none.  Right now, I am not sure what money is, it has been so long since I have seen it. I get it, yes, but I still want it.  I am 60 freaking years old, and I still want it.  

The Power of Yet. 

When you want something, tangible or intangible, and you cannot have it for some reason, which will always seem stupid and unreasonable, at the time, try to see if from the standpoint of Yet.  I have been asking myself questions, even when I am in immature fit mode like a kid at the grocery story whose mom said "No" to the new toy, some very important questions that have to do with goals. 

What do I have to do to get it?

What is the possible time frame involved?

How can I educate myself as to the reality of it?

Where do I start my research and where do I do this?

Who do I need to talk to in order to get started?

Why do I really want this?

As you can see, I just sounded a lot like a journalist.  Yes, I have  Bachelors in Communications Studies, focus on Journalism. 

🖎🖎🖎🖎🖎🖎🖎🖎🖎🖎🖎🖎🖎🖎🖎🖎🖎🖎🖎🖎🖎🖎🖎

There are times when a dream or a goal is vanquished faster than I can down three chili dogs.  It is super difficult to beat me that fast. Fourteen-ish years ago all I had wanted to do was to move to San Diego and teach till my little heart gave out. ❤  As it turns out, my mom's heart gave out, during a severe two-day long heart attack.  Yes, women's heart attacks can last between one hour and three days. Men clutch their chest and pretty much die.  Women have to drag it out.  So dramatic.  I kid ladies.  Not about the heart-attack, never about that, just about being dramatic. My mom underwent quadruple bypass surgery and it failed miserably because her arteries were brittle. Cut to almost eleven years later, my mom is still living on her own in her house (with the help of my son and I).  For the first three years I never took a vacation.  I stayed with her on weekends.  It was predicted she would not live passed one year, you see.  

A lot can go through your mind over three years and much can change.  If you are wondering what this has to do with Disappointment and the Power of Yet, I am getting there.  Big Sigh.  During that first year, my first relationship since my divorce, about ten years earlier,  fell apart - in part -  due to my obligation to take care of my mom. My dreams of moving to San Diego and teach had crashed in 2008 and ended altogether in 2010 when my relationship ended. Admittedly, I did not take that very well.  I could have gotten over it with more grace.

That low episode taught me that disappointment is the parent of frustration and also the parent of the Power of Yet. I went through all of the steps of grieving, and frustration was the worst.  I was not pretty.  I learned to get through and finally, after six months, I was okay.  I kind of ran right through the banner of disappointment like a football team at Homecoming, that had continually held me back from living my life .....less the football team, the band playing and the fog machine. 

The point is, I got through it.  When I was at my worst, it was only a matter of Yet, before I could stand up proud and be me.  

As I wrote on my first blog post, one of my beloved prior boss's used to say:  Life at times can be easy.  At times, it can be difficult. It's how you adjust and carry on that is important.  I think I embellished a little.  😀

Even though I am dealing with disappointment and frustration this weekend, I know it is not forever.  I will have the weekend that I want, just not Yet. 

With that, Thank You for your time and consideration, friends!  Your visits will always be appreciated here.